A Deep Dive into Sub-Dom Rules

Mastering the Dynamics

In the world of BDSM, rules serve as the foundation of a strong and functional Dominant/submissive (Dom/sub) relationship. These rules aren't just arbitrary demands—they create structure, set boundaries, and enhance the psychological depth of power exchange. Establishing the right rules for your relationship is about negotiation, trust, and mutual respect. Let’s break down the types of rules you might encounter and how they can transform your dynamic.

The Types of Rules in a Dom/sub Relationship

1. Life Rules: Creating Discipline and Personal Growth

Life rules are designed to guide the submissive’s daily behavior, fostering habits that benefit both their personal growth and their service to the Dominant. These rules often reflect tasks that help the submissive maintain discipline in their everyday life—budgeting, health, punctuality, or productivity.

For example, a Dominant might require their submissive to maintain a detailed budget and present it monthly, reinforcing not only financial responsibility but also obedience. These rules can extend to fitness, diet, or any aspect of daily life where structure could lead to self-improvement. They might also include habits like sending daily check-ins, maintaining a journal, or following a set bedtime routine.

Life rules are particularly beneficial for submissives who thrive on routine and clear expectations. They help in maintaining a sense of order and purpose, which reinforces the submissive’s role both in and outside of the bedroom. The Dominant’s control over these aspects deepens the power exchange, as the submissive's everyday decisions reflect their devotion and obedience.

2. Protocol Rules: The Rituals of Submission

Protocol rules introduce formalities into the relationship that reflect respect, obedience, and structure. These rules often dictate how the submissive should behave in specific contexts, such as during scenes, in public, or in certain private moments. Protocol can involve using honorifics like “Sir” or “Ma’am,” following specific rituals like kneeling before the Dominant, or adhering to a dress code that symbolizes their role.

For example, some submissives may be required to ask for permission before speaking, entering a room, or making personal decisions like choosing their outfit for the day. These protocols are often set in stone to maintain a constant reminder of the power dynamic, helping the submissive stay in their role even during non-sexual interactions.

Public protocol might involve maintaining a specific demeanor when the couple is in social settings, such as refraining from speaking unless spoken to, always using polite language, or avoiding certain behaviors that the Dominant disapproves of. In private, protocol could involve rituals like preparing the Dominant’s bath, serving meals in a specific manner, or maintaining a specific position during play.

These rules go beyond behavior—they transform ordinary moments into rituals of submission, reinforcing the submissive’s role and keeping the power exchange front and center in the relationship.

3. Arbitrary Rules: The Power of Control

Arbitrary rules may seem like they exist purely to satisfy the Dominant’s whims, but they are a powerful tool for reinforcing ownership and control. These rules are often about the Dominant’s personal preferences—perhaps forbidding the submissive from wearing certain colors, requiring permission for personal actions like masturbating, or even setting restrictions on language.

While they might seem trivial, arbitrary rules carry a deep psychological weight in a Dom/sub relationship. They remind the submissive that they are owned and controlled, that their actions—even the smallest ones—are under the Dominant’s purview. For submissives, following these rules often brings a deep sense of belonging and affirmation of their submission. It’s a direct expression of the power dynamic: “You do this because I said so,” which can be incredibly reinforcing for both the Dom and sub.

These rules often don’t have a practical purpose beyond reinforcing authority, which is what makes them so powerful. For instance, a Dominant might impose a rule that the submissive must always ask for permission before making a personal decision, like eating dessert or choosing their clothing for the day. This reinforces control and reminds the submissive that every action is tied to their obedience.

Crafting the Perfect Set of Rules

Creating a list of rules for your dynamic requires careful negotiation and open communication. It’s important to remember that rules should be designed to enhance the relationship, not stifle it. Start with a conversation about what you both want to achieve in your dynamic. Are you looking for more structure in daily life? Do you want to heighten the feeling of control during play? Or are you focused on reinforcing respect and obedience through ritualized behavior?

Once established, rules shouldn’t be set in stone. Relationships evolve, and so should the rules that govern them. Regular check-ins allow both partners to discuss what’s working, what isn’t, and how the rules can be adapted to better suit their changing needs and desires. Flexibility is key—too many rigid rules can lead to burnout, while too few might diminish the feeling of control.

In a Dom/sub relationship, rules are much more than guidelines—they are the lifeblood of the dynamic, creating the framework within which both partners can thrive. Whether they focus on daily habits, ritualized behaviors, or arbitrary expressions of control, rules serve to strengthen the bond between Dominant and submissive, enhancing both the power exchange and the intimacy of the relationship.

The Sub-Dom Game

The Path of Submission

Objective:

The submissive (sub) must navigate a series of challenges set by the Dominant (Dom). These challenges involve obedience, discipline, and erotic tasks that gradually increase in intensity. The sub's ability to follow the rules, complete tasks, and endure the Dom's control determines the outcome of the game.

Setup:

1. Materials:
   • Restraints (e.g., cuffs, rope, collar, etc.)
   • Blindfold
   • Vibrators, dildos, or other sex toys
   • Impact tools (e.g., paddle, flogger, riding crop)
   • Sensory items (e.g., ice, feathers, wax, etc.)
   • A notebook for keeping track of points and progress
   • Timer or stopwatch
2. Pre-Game Negotiation:
   • Discuss limits, desires, and safe words.
   • Agree on the duration of the game. This game is designed to last several hours, possibly stretching over multiple sessions if desired.
   • Establish a points system that rewards obedience and penalizes disobedience.

Phase 1: Submission Training

This phase focuses on training the sub in the art of obedience. The Dom sets clear rules that the sub must follow throughout the game.

1. Rule Establishment:
   • The Dom writes down a set of 7-10 rules for the sub. These rules will govern their behavior for the entire game and can include:
     • Always refer to the Dom as "Master" or "Mistress."
     • Eye contact is forbidden unless explicitly allowed.
     • The sub must always kneel when the Dom enters the room.
     • Silence is required unless permission to speak is granted.
2. Training Tasks: The Dom assigns the sub tasks that test their obedience and submission. These tasks are designed to train the sub’s mind and body to respond to the Dom’s commands. Each task is timed, and failure results in punishment.

   Examples:

   • Task 1: The sub must strip naked and stand still for 5 minutes without moving. The Dom may tease them during this time, testing their resolve.
   • Task 2: The sub is restrained and blindfolded. The Dom uses sensory play (feathers, ice, etc.) to heighten their awareness. The sub must guess which object is being used on them. Incorrect answers result in punishment.
   • Task 3: The sub must hold a specific position (e.g., hands behind their head, kneeling) while the Dom circles them, whispering commands or degrading phrases. Any sign of weakness or breaking the pose leads to a spanking or another form of punishment.
3. Points System: The sub earns points for successful task completion and loses points for disobedience or failure. Points can later be redeemed for rewards or withheld, influencing the game's outcome.

Phase 2: The Trials of Obedience

This phase escalates the intensity, focusing on physical tasks and emotional endurance. The sub is tested through a series of "trials" that challenge their devotion and ability to obey under pressure.

1. Trial 1: The Test of Endurance
   • The sub is restrained in a challenging position (e.g., spread-eagle on a bed or tied to a chair). The Dom uses a combination of teasing and denial to push the sub's endurance. This could involve edging, temperature play (ice or wax), or impact play (light spanking, flogging, etc.).
   • The sub must endure the sensations without begging for release. If the sub speaks out of turn, they lose points, and the trial restarts.
2. Trial 2: The Test of Service
   • The sub must serve the Dom in a specific way, following strict instructions. This could be preparing and serving food or drink, performing an erotic dance, or providing oral pleasure under specific rules (e.g., no touching the Dom, only using the tongue, etc.).
   • Failure to follow instructions perfectly results in punishment. Success leads to rewards (e.g., the removal of a restraint, the promise of a future orgasm).
3. Trial 3: The Test of Devotion
   • The sub is required to make a symbolic gesture of devotion. This could involve writing or verbally expressing their submission, enduring a specific punishment to prove their dedication, or performing a ritual (e.g., kissing the Dom's feet, offering a personal item as a token of submission).
   • The Dom judges the sincerity of the sub’s gesture, either granting rewards or imposing further challenges.

Phase 3: The Power Exchange Ritual

This phase deepens the psychological and erotic connection between Dom and sub. It involves ritualized play, where both partners immerse themselves in the power dynamics they’ve established.

1. The Submission Ritual:
   • The sub is placed in a ritualistic setting (e.g., on their knees in front of the Dom). The Dom leads them through a verbal or physical ceremony that reinforces the power exchange. This could include:
     • Reciting vows of submission.
     • Being collared if that’s part of your dynamic.
     • Performing acts that symbolize the Dom’s ownership, like offering their body to be marked (e.g., spanking, wax play, etc.).
2. Orgasm Control:
   • This phase centers around orgasm control and denial. The sub is brought to the brink of orgasm repeatedly but is only allowed release when the Dom decides.
   • The Dom may use various techniques—vibrators, edging, teasing—to control the sub’s pleasure. The goal is to build intense sexual tension that can only be released when the Dom gives permission.
3. The Ultimate Test:
   • The Dom presents a final challenge that encompasses all the rules and trials from earlier in the game. This could involve:
     • The sub enduring a prolonged period of teasing and denial without breaking the rules.
     • The sub completing a complex series of commands that test their mental and physical obedience.
   • If the sub succeeds, they are rewarded with a powerful, fulfilling climax (or whatever reward has been negotiated). If they fail, the Dom decides their fate—whether that’s further denial, punishment, or additional tasks.

Points System Overview

1. Starting Points:
   • At the start of the game, the sub begins with a neutral score of 0 points.
   • Points are earned for successful completion of tasks, adherence to rules, and general obedience.
   • Points are lost for breaking rules, failing tasks, or showing disobedience.
2. Earning Points:
   • Minor Tasks or Rule Adherence: +1 to +3 points per successful task completion or obedience to minor rules.
     • Example: Successfully holding a position for 5 minutes without moving might earn +2 points.
   • Major Tasks or Perfect Obedience: +5 to +10 points for more difficult tasks or flawlessly following the Dom's commands.
     • Example: Completing a challenging endurance trial or perfect service could earn +7 points.
3. Losing Points:
   • Minor Infractions: -1 to -3 points for small mistakes, like forgetting to use an honorific or moving during a task.
     • Example: Breaking eye contact without permission might cost -2 points.
   • Major Infractions: -5 to -10 points for more significant disobedience, such as speaking out of turn, failing a key task, or refusing a command.
     • Example: Disobeying a direct order from the Dom could result in a -7 point penalty.
4. Tracking Points:
   • The Dom should keep track of points using a notebook, app, or another method. Points should be updated after each task or rule evaluation.
   • The Dom can choose to reveal the points total to the sub periodically or keep it hidden until the end of each phase, adding an element of suspense.
5. End-of-Phase Points Evaluation:
   • At the end of each phase, the Dom evaluates the sub's performance based on their total points.
   • The sub's points determine whether they receive a reward, punishment, or both.

Rewards and Punishments Based on Points

The rewards and punishments are the core motivators in this game, driving the sub to obey and earn favor, or punishing them for their missteps. Here’s a detailed look at how they can be integrated:

Reward Tiers:

• Low Tier Rewards (10-20 Points):
  • Temporary Freedom: The sub earns a brief reprieve, such as the removal of restraints for a limited time.
  • Mild Sensual Reward: A soothing massage, gentle caresses, or some soft praise and affection.
  • Request Granted: The sub is allowed to request something they desire (e.g., a kiss, permission to touch the Dom, or a break from a specific rule for a short time).
• Medium Tier Rewards (20-40 Points):
  • Increased Freedom: The sub is allowed to choose their position or granted limited autonomy for a round (e.g., the freedom to speak without asking).
  • Pleasure Time: The Dom rewards the sub with focused pleasure—e.g., teasing, oral play, or edging—without immediate climax.
  • Favoritism: The sub is allowed to select one task or rule to skip in the next phase.
• High Tier Rewards (40+ Points):
  • Full Release: The sub is granted permission to orgasm or given a full scene of pleasurable attention, perhaps involving their favorite kinks or activities.
  • Dom's Gift: The Dom offers a special treat, such as extended aftercare, a favorite sexual position, or indulgence in a fantasy.
  • Temporary Power Shift: The sub might briefly be allowed to take control in a limited way, such as choosing the next activity or deciding how they wish to be pleasured (with boundaries set by the Dom).

Punishment Tiers:

• Low Tier Punishments (0 to -10 Points):
  • Verbal Reprimand: The Dom scolds the sub, reminding them of their place and what they did wrong.
  • Light Physical Punishment: The Dom administers a mild punishment, such as a few spanks or a brief session with a paddle, crop, or flogger.
  • Temporary Restriction: The sub loses a small privilege (e.g., being blindfolded for the next round or having speech restricted further).
• Medium Tier Punishments (-10 to -30 Points):
  • Physical Discipline: The Dom administers a more intense physical punishment, such as a longer spanking, paddling, or flogging session.
  • Orgasm Denial: The sub is edged to the brink of orgasm but is denied release as punishment.
  • Increased Control: The sub is subjected to stricter rules and harsher conditions (e.g., being gagged, having additional restraints, or being kept in a difficult position).
• High Tier Punishments (-30 Points or Lower):
  • Extended Denial: The sub is denied orgasm for the remainder of the game or even beyond, depending on the Dom’s decision.
  • Heavy Punishment: A prolonged session of intense physical punishment, such as flogging, caning, or other agreed-upon impact play, testing the sub’s endurance.
  • Total Control: The sub loses all autonomy, being completely bound and at the Dom's mercy for the remainder of the session, with no say in what happens next.

Example Point Scenarios:

1. Positive Scenario:
   • The sub earns +3 points for obeying a minor rule, +5 points for successfully completing a service task, and +7 points for enduring a challenging punishment without breaking.
   • Total: +15 points, which could lead to a medium-tier reward like focused pleasure or freedom to skip a task.
2. Negative Scenario:
   • The sub loses -2 points for speaking out of turn, -5 points for failing to endure a spanking without complaint, and -7 points for refusing a direct command.
   • Total: -14 points, leading to medium-tier punishment such as orgasm denial or increased restraint.

Customizing the Points System:

• Dynamic Rewards: The Dom can choose to offer custom rewards based on what they know the sub enjoys or craves. Tailoring rewards to the sub’s desires makes obedience even more enticing.
• Layered Punishments: Punishments can be layered to reflect ongoing disobedience. For example, failing two tasks in a row might result in both a physical punishment and increased restriction, driving home the consequences of disobedience.
• Secret Points: The Dom can keep some rewards and punishments secret until the end of the game, only revealing them once the sub has accumulated a certain point threshold. This adds an element of suspense.

The points system not only adds depth to the game but also provides clear incentives for the sub to follow the rules, reinforcing the power dynamics at the core of your Dom/sub relationship. The flexibility allows you to adjust the intensity and style to suit your preferences, ensuring that both partners enjoy a fulfilling and exciting experience.

Additional Elements:

• Incorporating Real-Life Tasks: For longer play sessions (spanning days or weeks), the Dom can assign real-life tasks that the sub must complete outside of playtime (e.g., maintaining a journal, performing chores, or sending daily check-ins). These tasks keep the dynamic alive even when you're not actively playing.
• Advanced Rules: As the game progresses, the Dom may introduce advanced rules or rituals that add complexity to the power exchange (e.g., additional protocols, more intricate rituals).
• Surprise Elements: The Dom can introduce surprise challenges or rewards at any time during the game to keep the sub on their toes. For instance, randomly deciding to reward obedience with an unexpected orgasm or introducing a punishment for minor disobedience.

This complex game is designed for deep immersion into the Dom/sub dynamic, offering layers of eroticism, challenge, and connection. Adjust the tasks, rules, and intensity to suit your dynamic, and enjoy exploring the depths of your power exchange!